Collateral Damage
As the days stack up at home, you may see some of the same things I’m seeing. Kids who help with chores break things. They also miss things—I cropped out one pea from last night and one peanut butter puff with an ant on it, from breakfast, beside the stove.
The Bible talks about four different challenges concerning kids and behavior:
The sin of omission: not doing something you know you should do. This includes walking past your sister who is struggling and just not helping because you’re mad at her, being asked to take the trash out, but deciding it is too hot (really?!) and just ignoring mom, or leaving the clothes you were supposed to fold in a heap and closing the closet door on them.
The sin of commission: doing something on purpose you have been told not to do. It is saying hurtful words to your sister or adding extra whipped cream to your berries after dad told you that you had enough. It is talking back instead of reasoning with your parent or looking around to see if anyone is looking before you take unauthorized dessert out of the freezer.
The weakness of being human: Acting out of our natural limitations. Being tired or hungry, forgetting something or dropping a glass out of the dishwasher by accident, or hurting someone’s feelings by accident.
The limitation of being a child: being a very concrete thinker and unable to grasp the imaginations or considerations of an adult. This includes sometimes not understanding what will hurt your feelings, or what is too expensive to ask for, realizing ahead of time that using half of the new hand soap in an experiment will upset mom during a pandemic, or double-checking to make sure the eggs that were finally available at Harris Teeter made it out of the back of the car with the other groceries.
Kids don’t understand where these categories blur. If she dropped the glass by accident (weakness), it will not make sense that she was disobeying by going too fast instead of working carefully (not as concrete a concept and very subjective).
I have noticed that when I am tired, or worried, or the day has been long, I sometimes see weakness and childishness as sin even though it is not. Mistakes and childishness are okay. We have to tell our children they are okay in the moment—even if it feels like the last straw. They are inconvenient and sometimes expensive, but they are part of being human and opportunities to teach or redirect attention.
Our rule is if we wouldn’t say it in that tone or with those words in front of that person to a friend, we should not say it that way to our child. Anything we say that falls outside that category deserves an open sincere apology for dishonoring an image-bearer of Eternal Almighty God.
All my examples are moments we’ve walked through in the last 5 days of being together at home. Maybe your house is also struggling to balance things and be kind?
May Jesus give us all the grace to be gentle with our little people and offer them the same grace that has been given to us.
